i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My pussy is not your playground.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
