sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
