I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
