So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
