I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize