So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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