Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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