It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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