I'm so fucking centered right now
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
