Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Pappa wants mamma naked
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
