Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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