some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
