god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
