my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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