im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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