i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize