All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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