A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
