Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
