how can u be prego again
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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