I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
