Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Randomize
