it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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