I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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