he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
