I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
