Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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