I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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