You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
