It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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