The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
