u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
