i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
