I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
