Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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