He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
