You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
