I wish I only lived at night.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize