you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
