A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
