I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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