Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
