You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
