she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
