Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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