So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
