I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
