Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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