she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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