He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
