I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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