if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Randomize
