he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
