In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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