K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
