I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm sobbing to NWA
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize