someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
