Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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