Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
