His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
