how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
