I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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