I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
A bitchslap is in order.
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