Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
