she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
