i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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