I wanna bring you to show and tell
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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