It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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