So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
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