ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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