My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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