Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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