I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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