..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
