Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
