either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
