Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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