Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
