My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
