I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
