Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize