my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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