The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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